How To Be A Great Mother In Law?
- Marvin Harvey
How to Be a Great Mother-in-Law
- Recognize that your role in your child’s life has been downgraded.
- Sound happy and positive when talking to or about your new daughter- or son-in-law.
- Remember important details from their life.
- But don’t be nosy.
- Play fair.
- Avoid choosing sides.
- Keep your opinions to yourself.
What should I do to be a good daughter in law?
Here are a few tips to improve your relationship with your mom-in-law One of the biggest challenges of married life is to get along well with your in laws. Though this goes for both partners in a marriage, it is the woman who is affected the most. According to research around 60 per cent of all marriages suffer from tension with mothers-in-law that is normally between the woman and her husband’s mother.
- The nagging, meddling mother-in-law is often the cause of worry and the central idea that can help better the situation is to have a positive attitude and to show respect to the older woman.
- Positive attitude Just like being a daughter-in-law is new to you taking up the role of a mother-in-law is new to her too.
Always try and convey a positive attitude towards her. The older woman is probably just trying her best to fit into her role as a mom-in-law. Equality Try to treat your mother-in-law and your mother equally. For example if you give your mother a birthday gift, then give your mother-in-law a gift for her birthday too.
If you have children, then visit your mother and your mother-in-law with similar frequency. Sensitivity The fact that the lady has spent a significant part of her life raising her son may make her a little sensitive when another person becomes the centre of attraction of her son’s life. Though most mothers do not consider her daughter-in-law competition, there are some mothers who do.
The ones whose life revolved around their child for a long time because they are a single parent or had only one child are the ones who are most likely to behave in this way. If, for example, your mother-in-law mentions how much her son always liked her home cooking, do not try to compete by asserting how much he likes your cooking now.
- This would invariably hurt her.
- Respect Treat your mother-in-law with respect.
- Consider her older and wiser.
- She may have been through a lot of hardships in her life.
- In fact, talk to her and ask her about her childhood, growing up, raising kids, and life experiences.
- When she shares her life with you she will develop a liking for you and that can lead to a strong bond between the two of you.
Expectations Getting to know the family you have married into may take time. Though most daughters-in-law are welcomed into the family with open arms, do not get disheartened if it does not happen. Give them time to know you better. Be attentive When your mother-in-law is at home be attentive towards her.
- Sit and chat, show her around town, and if she wants to help you prepare meals, then let her.
- You two can get to know each other better and bond.
- If she prefers to sit around being waited on hand and foot, then enlist your husband to help prepare meals and clean up.
- Information Try to keep mother-in-law informed; call and let her know about important events.
Keep her in the loop. If you have children, send pictures to your mother-in-law. Grandmothers love getting pictures of their grandchildren. Advice Your mother-in-law has years of experience. Don’t hesitate to take her advice. You may disagree with her and decide to not follow any of her suggestions, but be open to different ideas, at least listen, show respect, and do not take any advice as a personal attack.
- She is only trying to be helpful.
- Children Allow your mother-in-law to take care of your children.
- For them their grandchildren are more important than their own kids sometimes.
- If she wants to, let her spoil them a little, i.e.
- She lets them stay slightly past their bedtime or gives them some more chocolate than you would want to.
Communication Try and talk out things with the family. If something that someone said hurt you, do not keep it bottled up inside you. Discuss with your husband and your mother-in-law any slights or snubs and how it makes you feel.
What makes a woman a perfect wife?
1. Caring and compassionate – A good wife exhibits both care and compassion. She is sensitive to the family’s needs, and does her best to provide a solution. She understands when her husband is frustrated, and tries to make him happy, Her caring disposition makes sure the family does not lack in any aspect of life. Related Reading: Simple Steps to Take Care of Your Relationships
What are the qualities of good wife?
A Good Wife Is Not Afraid to Express Her Own Opinions – This is a very important quality for a wife because it means that she does not care about what others think about her or what she says. It means that she’s honest and trustworthy, which are two very important qualities in a woman.
When you’re able to express yourself without caring what others think of you, you’re generally a better person. People who can do this are able to communicate well with others without worrying about what they say or how they say it. This helps them in many different situations throughout life, such as talking to clients at work or talking with friends and family members.
A woman who is able to express her own opinions and views is also likely to have more self-confidence. This self-confidence can be useful in many different situations, such as when she’s negotiating with someone or asking for a raise at work.
What are the duties of a good wife?
Women’s multiple roles – The involvement of women in the economic workforce and public life has not been reciprocated by a shift among men into domestic work and reproductive life. As a result, women assume multiple responsibilities as daughters, wives, mothers, workers and members of society.
As a daughter, a woman is traditionally responsible for taking care of her parents. As a wife, she is expected to serve her husband, preparing food, clothing and other personal needs. As a mother, she has to take care of the children and their needs, including education. As a worker, she has to be professional, disciplined and a good employee.
And as a member of society, she is expected to participate in community activities and volunteer work, both within her community and through social organisations. Read more: By contrast, men have traditionally had just one role, as the family’s breadwinner, and little obligation to be socially active within their community. Men can carry out caretaking duties too. www.shutterstock.com Some cultures and families still maintain those gender roles today. It is understandable, therefore, that these multiple burdens of responsibility on women impose hardship on them and leave them vulnerable.
What is the most hurtful thing a parent can say to a child?
The following is a list of hurtful things parents say to their children: – **Trigger warning, these comments are upsetting – read with caution**
“I wish you would have never of been born.” “I should have aborted you.” “You are the biggest mistake of my life.” “I brought you into my life and I can take you out.” “You’re just like your mother/father.” “You’d look prettier if you lost weight.” “It’s your fault your dad/mom/brother/sister/etc died.” “That’s the way I was raised, and I turned out fine.” “You never do anything right.” “I do everything for you, what else do you want from me.” “It’s your fault your dad/mom left me!” “When I die, don’t come to visit me in my grave.” “Why can’t you be like your brother/sister/friend/cousin/etc?” “I’m going to leave you and never come back.” “Don’t eat that, you’re getting fat.” “Stop crying, it’s not that big of a deal.” “I’m disappointed in you.” “You belong to me and no one else.”
Parents must teach their children skills, boundaries, lessons, and how to appropriately behave. But yelling and losing their temper isn’t effective. In fact, it teaches children how to incorrectly handle stressful situations. Parents are the example their children will follow.
And let’s be real there will be moments that parents no matter how hard they try will lose their temper. Instead of blaming their child for their reaction. It’s best to apologize and take responsibility. By holding themselves accountable children will learn accountability. “Don’t say something permanently hurtful just because you are temporarily upset.” References: Gava, K.A.
(1999). Hurtful Words Can Have Physical Effect, Says Researcher, Retrieved from: http://www.advance.uconn.edu/1999/990830/08309909.htm
How in laws should treat daughter in law?
Treat Your Daughter In-law Humanly The relationship between a mother and her daughter in-law is of prime importance in the home affairs of a family. The pleasing relationship between the two ladies leads to the promotion and prosperity of the home. Every member of the family dwells as in heaven when the duo ladies express mutual respect to each other and make understanding a basic pillar of their living.
- On the other hand the strained relations between these two ladies are devastating thousands of families.
- Hundreds of ladies have committed suicide so far across length and breadth of valley and many more are still living a hellish life only due to misunderstanding among them.
- There are clear cut rules and regulations both for the mother in-law and her daughter in-law with regard to the running of family affairs in a smooth manner.
Lets see what these rules say about mother in-law as about daughter in-law I have already written one piece a month ago. Mother in-law should always treat her daughter in-law as her own child. It shouldn’t be limited to just words or merely showing to strangers that she is respecting her, instead it must be through good intentions.
How she treats her own daughter, should the daughter in-law be treated. Daughter in-law must be so nicely treated that she forgets her parents and parental home. For her comfort, affection and good health every member of the family must play their good role. She shouldn’t be considered like a maid servant that you command her.
It will dishearten her.Incase she makes a minor mistake, instead of taunting and abusing her or informing her parents, you must guide her affectionately. It develops her love for you and next time she proves your strong companion.Never complain about your daughter In-law in front of your neighbors and relatives.
- In case she is wrong at certain point, inform her mother or elder sister only.
- Never say her ” you don’t know anything.
- You haven’t learnt anything.
- Your parents haven’t given you good manners.” Instead she must be taught the way you teach your own daughter.
- When they commit mistakes, do you inform your neighbors and relatives? No.
So in the similar way a daughter in-law when treated with utmost affection, she too plays her good role in considering them as their own parents. Otherwise it is seldom possible for her to think so.What you think good for your own daughters with regard to clothing’s, eating stuffs etc a daughter in-law must be given a similar consideration.
If the daughter in-law feels discomfort or she isn’t feeling well, instead of giving her commands to perform a particular task, you must yourself do that work.When she is ill, you must accompany her to a doctor and be serious enough the way when your own daughters feel unwell. She must be allowed to take rest and prescribed medicines and eatables with good intentions.
When she does any work, appreciate her and pray for her well-being but not to remain busy in finding faults in her work.You mustn’t be habitual of complaining about the daughter in-law in front of her husband and father in-law instead you must hide her faults the way you ignore the mistakes and faults of your own daughters.
- You must advise your son to look after his spouse and take care of her especially when she feels ill.
- It will create an everlasting love, affection and mutual respect among all the family members.
- You must always advice your daughters and your sons to treat her well.
- Further you must caution them not to give her commands and consider her like a collie or outsider.
Instead you must make them understand that she is part and parcel of your family and if treated with utmost affection and love, she would respect and love you. Further it must be reiterated to them that in their mother’s absence it is she who distributes food among you so she is like your elder sister.
- Never make a demand of dowry to your Daughter In-law.
- In case she doesn’t brings any item, never complain about it nor taunt and disgrace her.
- It will worry her and if you continuously insult her, she may take some extreme step as have been reported many a times earlier.
- If an outsider asks about the work and conduct of the daughter in-law, never repeat the negative things.
Always praise her for her work and behavior in front of the outsiders. Apart from the mother in-law sometimes we see father in-law too indulges in unnecessary family affairs with the result both spouses become victims of depression and mental trauma which leads to the devastation of the family.
- Instead of treating her like their own daughter, father in-law gives her unnecessary commands like a home servant.
- His daughters and sons too misbehave with their brother’s spouse which makes the life of new-comer quite melancholic.
- The most distressing episodes are experienced when all other family members are on one side, thinking, sharing, managing and living a separate life within one common family and the daughter in-law and her children are on the other side.
In such circumstances she always feels lonely and she thinks herself living among strangers. At that point it becomes the duty of husband either to overhaul his parents and siblings or to rehabilitate her wife with peaceful dignity. Husband’s siblings ail and torture his wife only due to the unbridled and undue powers given to them by his parents.
- If husband’s younger siblings aren’t given undue powers by his parents and they themselves manage every family affair with utmost honesty and belief, our families wouldn’t shatter instead these would become the abode of peace and tranquility.
- So many eves’ daughters have ended their lives due to domestic violence at the hands of their husbands and other in-laws.
At the time of engagement and tying the nuptial, her to be in-laws leave no stone unturned to assure her that she would be treated like their own daughter but once the bride is brought home, all the assurances given earlier prove false. She is tortured to the maximum level and always considered a burden and stranger in the home which is contradictory to the noble teachings of Islam and dear Prophet (saw).
Need of the hour is to get acquainted about the noble teachings of Islam with regard to living a better family life especially with our daughter in-laws. Email:[email protected] Author is a columnist fiction writer and teacher
: Treat Your Daughter In-law Humanly
Why are relationships with in-laws so difficult?
Why In-Law Relationships Are So Tricky. While one could point to many reasons why in-law relationships are so notoriously difficult to manage, it really boils down to two primary issues: boundaries and expectations. ‘Families can have rather strange boundaries,’ says Dr.
How important is it to develop good relationship with one’s in-laws?
Why a good relationship with your in-laws is important Marriage creates a new family because it brings two people from different backgrounds together. However, issues with in-laws can put stress on a marriage depending on the relationship built with them, and how you relate with them can affect your own relationship with your spouse.
One of the biggest challenges of married life is getting along well with your in-laws. This includes siblings, parents, uncles, aunties et al. in other words, your spouse’s relatives have become your family and you’d be spending the rest of your life close to these people. In Africa, especially in Nigeria, it is a general belief that when a lady gets married, she’s not just marrying the man alone but his entire family.
This also applies to the man. However, most people think otherwise. They do not see the need of establishing a good relationship with their in-laws. But are they right or wrong? LifeXtra as usual sought to know what peoples opinion were on the matter. Yunus Abdulhamid, a married man in his late thirties, believes that having a good relationship with one’s in-laws adds to the atmosphere of love in a couple’s home.
- He told LifeXtra “It’s mutually beneficial to both spouses.
- The parents of your partner are most probably old enough to be your parents and in Africa, we honour the aged especially when marriage has brought two families together.
- The counsel from in-laws is invaluable for couples, especially newly-weds, to navigate the mucky waters of marriage and life in general.” He added, “Where there is no good relationship, suspicion and animosity envelope the marriage and this could lead to a crash of the relationship.
Also, as adherents of our different faiths, we are enjoined by God to be respectful and spread love not hate.” Kindness Ekunode, who is in her early twenties, believes that marriage creates a new family. She said, “Generally, having a good relationship with your in-laws ensures peace in your home.
If you are not at peace with your in-laws, then there are bound to be mountainous problems.” Explaining what she meant by ‘mountainous problems’, she said, “Problems like in-laws influencing the couple, especially in decision-making.” She added, “Being at peace with your in-laws is a catalyst to building your new family relationship.” Also speaking to LifeXtra, Abolaji Olanipekun qho, who is in his mid-30s, said, “I think having a good relationship with your in-laws is a form of insurance for when you run into a difficult impasse with your spouse.
Even though they may not completely side with you, they are likely not to be overly bitter with you as well. And in our culture, a woman does herself more good to keep her in-laws closer and manage the relationship in a way that keeps her in their good books.” Speaking further, he said, “In-laws often provide a good glimpse into the minds of your own spouse who you think you know.
- If your relationship goes sour with your husband, if he thinks it will be difficult to sell a bad story about you to his family because they love you, then you win.
- But if he can sell that story and they’ll take it hook, line and sinker because they don’t care about you, then you are really isolated and may be gone before you know it.” “If your in-laws love you, they will also go out of their way to protect and defend your kids even when your spouse loses his or her mind, which is not uncommon these days.
If they don’t, they’ll do only the minimum, leaving you overwhelmed with carrying the loads solo,” he concluded. An article “Having a good relationship with your in-laws is important” by Juliet PeeJay Wisdom stated “Having a good relationship with your in-laws is important.