How To Deal With A Daughter In Law Who Is Disrespectful?

How To Deal With A Daughter In Law Who Is Disrespectful
4. Ask Her What Her Concerns Are About You – If possible, attempt to have a calm conversation with her about what is bothering her about you. Preventing this from becoming an argument is very important. Introduce your concerns gently. For example, you could say, “Is there a reason you don’t want me to take my grandson to the zoo?” This question allows her to tell you her feelings about that. A chance to discuss things instead of just tiptoe around each other could lead to more trust.

Why are daughter in laws so difficult?

Difficult Daughter-In-Law, Part 1 How To Deal With A Daughter In Law Who Is Disrespectful Second only to the Wicked Stepmother, the Difficult Daughter-in-Law (DDIL) looms large as a source of friction in the family. She divides mother from son, withholds grandchildren, sabotages family get-togethers, and rains misery on one and all, especially her mother-in-law (MIL).

This is not to say that every MIL is perfect and every son’s wife is a pain in the neck, but there are so many horror stories about the latter’s shoddy behavior toward the former that I felt we needed to look into the situation. According to Deborah Levinson, a licensed clinical social worker who has helped many women deal with divisive family situations, “The roots of the difficult daughter-in-law’s behavior may go back to her family of birth.

She might have seen her mother be disrespectful or unloving toward her mother-in-law. She might have been in competition with her mother for her father’s attention. Now, she’s transferred the power struggle to her marriage, with the husband a stand-in for her father and the mother-in-law a competitor for his love.

Another explanation is that, never having developed a good sense of self-worth, she’s so insecure that she feels anyone in her husband’s orbit is a threat. If he has a close relationship with his mother, that could definitely play into her fears.” There may be other factors at play, too, says Levinson.

“The difficult daughter-in-law may come from a family that was not affectionate, and, if her husband’s family is more demonstrative, she may feel uncomfortable with their intimacy. Then, too, as she is expected to work, run a household, and be a perfect mother to her children, she may just be plain overwhelmed.

Finally, we shouldn’t rule out the possibility that she has a personality disorder or other psychopathology.” Levinson and other experts contend that people have distinct ideas about boundaries and how far they should be expected to stretch theirs in order to fit in.
If you’ve read about the Kennedy family’s touch football games, you know they were exuberant.

When Jackie literally wouldn’t play ball, the rest of the family thought she was stuck up. Was she being a DDIL or was there just not a good fit between her literary/artistic bent and the Kennedy’s rough-tumble idea of a good time? Our society’s general disrespect for older people doesn’t help, either.

Far from being honored for their wisdom and experience as they are in other cultures, America’s “senior citizens” can be objects of ridicule. Moreover, there’s the well-documented narcissism of the younger generation, who are often clueless about or unwilling to fulfill the expectations of the older generation.

This is at best frustrating and at worst hurtful to parents of adult children who remember a time when all members of the extended family sat down to Sunday dinner together, phoned each other regularly, and exchanged cards and gifts on one another’s special occasions—even when they weren’t overly fond of one another.

That’s gone. Excluding ethnic groups who have a strong sense of familial inclusion, parents are now expected to go out of their way for “the kids” rather than the other way around. Moreover, younger husbands and wives feel their only allegiance should be to their own parents rather than forming “one big happy family.” In an extreme case (or maybe not), one woman I know lay gravely ill in a hospital bed for four weeks.

During that whole time her daughter-in-law, who lived locally, never visited and didn’t even pick up a phone—and this was not a case of hard feelings or estrangement. In subsequent posts we’ll continue our exploration of the DDIL: how her power struggle plays out in real life; where her husband comes in; how a toxic situation hampers the grandchild/grandparent relationship; and what you can do to make things better.

What is a toxic daughter in law?

6 Signs You Have A Toxic Daughter-In-Law Just like toxic parents, toxic partners,, and toxic in-laws exist, so do toxic daughters-in-law. No matter how nicely they are treated, they will always have their fangs out for others, especially their mother-in-law, and strike them whenever they are even a little bit angry.

Anyone who has a toxic daughter-in-law will know what I mean by this. A toxic daughter-in-law can be mean, narcissistic, selfish and insensitive towards her mother-in-law most of the time, without any reason. Even if they have the best mother-in-law in the world, they will find some reason or the other to torment them and treat them miserably.

If you suspect that you might have a toxic daughter-in-law, then looking out for these signs might give you some clarity.

What not to say to your daughter in law?

I can’t stand it!’ Complaining about your son, your husband, your co-workers—it puts her in an awkward spot, where she doesn’t want to disrespect the other party. ‘And it makes you look bad,’ says Goldstein. You may want to avoid venting to your daughter-in-law; save your spill for your hubby or best friend.

What mental illness causes passive-aggressive behavior?

– Acting passive-aggressively doesn’t mean you have a mental health condition. That said, mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, or stress can:

make it harder to express yourself affect your beliefs about how others perceive youmake productive communication more complicated

As a result, you might find it more difficult to share painful feelings directly. If you spend a lot of time thinking about the injustice of what you’re experiencing but can’t share your distress, these feelings might reveal themselves more indirectly.

attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) anxiety disorders depression personality disorders substance use disorders

What is the root cause of passive-aggressive behavior?

Passive-Aggression Passive Aggressive Behavior Passive is a way of expressing negative feelings, such as anger or annoyance, indirectly instead of directly. Passive-aggressive behaviors are often difficult to identify and can sabotage relationships at home and at work. Instead of getting visibly angry, some people express their hostility in passive-aggressive ways designed to hurt and confuse their target. Most people will have to deal with passive from others in their personal and professional lives at one time or another: a roommate who leaves a sweet-yet-scolding note about the one cup that was left unwashed, for example, or the report a colleague keeps “forgetting” to finish.

Nagging or getting angry only puts the passive-aggressive person on the defensive—often resulting in them making excuses or denying any responsibility.
Recent research shows that there are healthier ways to confront passive aggression and handle relationship conflict.
Passive aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly.

When, it’s important to understand that beneath all of those snide remarks lies a deep unhappiness and sadness. Some common forms of passive aggression include avoiding responsibility for tasks, procrastinating and even missing deadlines, withholding critical information, and frequently underachieving relative to what one is capable of producing.

This type of behavior can cause problems at home when the family cannot depend on a passive-aggressive individual to follow through on their promises.
Can sabotage group projects, resulting in unachieved,
Passive-aggressive behavior can be intensely frustrating for the target because it’s hard to identify, difficult to prove, and may even be unintentional.

Passive aggression can lead to more conflict and issues, because many people struggle to have a direct and honest conversation about the problem at hand. Passive aggression is particularly damaging in relationships. The target often feels frustrated and powerless, unable to secure the passive-aggressive person’s, While passive-aggressive behavior can be hard to pin down, experts agree on the most common signs, which include refusing to discuss concerns openly and directly, avoiding responsibility, and being deliberately inefficient. The passively aggressive person often leaves a job undone or “almost” complete.

They frequently run late and are masters at subtly sabotaging others when they disagree with a course of action. They often resort to the silent treatment or the backhanded compliment to get their point across. These individuals will hide their anger instead of expressing it directly. Passive-aggressive behavior can take the form of words (e.g., blaming others or making excuses) or actions (e.g., giving someone the silent treatment).

Some are diminished eye contact, persistent forgetting, and ignoring the targeted individual during a group conversation. Not always. Some people are so used to pushing their anger deep down that they don’t even realize it’s there anymore. One major sign that someone is if they don’t think they’re an “angry person” and don’t believe they experience anger with any regularity.

They may find themselves saying “yes” when they mean “no” or using the role of the victim or martyr to gain, It’s not uncommon for an individual to use passive aggression to get their way when they don’t like conflict. For instance, a parent who doesn’t want the bedtime responsibilities might play with the child instead of going through their usual sleep routine, driving the other parent to take over again.

While these sneaky tactics might result in a short-term win, may be necessary to restore trust in the relationship in the long run. Extreme forms of the “silent treatment,” such as completely ignoring someone and refusing to respond to their attempts to communicate, are more direct ways to express hostility.

Additional actions are subtle yet passive-aggressive, such as pretending not to hear a colleague’s comment or failing to acknowledge a friend in the hallway.
These are all,
Silence proves an effective way to passive-aggressively wound and the target.
The silent treatment can be, particularly when someone in a position of power (like a parent) uses silence to manipulate someone vulnerable (like a child).

Being ignored or having someone pretend like you don’t exist can be a potent form of that may cause lasting harm. Better communication. Once you have identified the toxic behavior, stop participating in it. Instead, affirm the passive-aggressive person’s inner anger, which they will likely deny. Passive aggression often stems from underlying anger, sadness, or insecurity, of which the person may or may not be consciously aware. Passive-aggressive behavior may be an expression of those emotions or an attempt to gain control in a relationship. Bearing that in mind can inform how you respond.

Although it can be tempting to react by being passive-aggressive yourself, expressing anger or frustration will likely spur the person to continue behaving the same way. Demonstrating that you value the passive-aggressive person’s perspective may help if you are thereby addressing an underlying sense of insecurity.

But you should not for unfounded offenses or otherwise placate them. If at all possible, the best solution is often to limit the time you spend in their presence. But if you determine that confrontation is the best path forward, avoid being accusatory as you calmly explain how the behavior makes you feel.

When person, hold them accountable for their bad behavior. Stop apologizing if you’ve done nothing wrong. Try putting your needs first, for a change. They likely want you to blow up or counter with passive aggression of your own—don’t play their game. Instead, calmly and directly address the issue at hand, being specific about what they do or say that upsets you.

Managing your own emotions is key when you’re responding to passive-aggressive behavior. Take a few deep breaths or temporarily remove yourself from the situation before responding. Try to address the person’s concerns directly. Set clear boundaries and, if necessary, limit the time you spend with the passive-aggressive person.

Stonewalling occurs when one partner shuts down, withdraws, and stops responding altogether,,
Stonewalling may also involve passive-aggressive avoidance behaviors, like pretending to be busy with work when a partner wants to talk seriously.
While men are less likely to get physiologically aroused when their partner stonewalls them, women tend to experience an increased heart rate.

Staying as calm as possible can prevent stonewalling behavior. If a couple can listen and speak without getting defensive, that will decrease the need for passive-aggressive tactics like stonewalling. Start practicing validation and to repair any damage stonewalling has done to your relationship.

When you were very young and dependent on your caretakers, you may unconsciously have recognized that the safest way to get out your anger was by camouflaging it.
Do you feel stuck in your relationship? For growth and connection to happen, partners need to take responsibility and lower defenses.
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on August 5, 2022 in Before you label annoying behavior as passive-aggressive, be aware that something deeper may be at play. Knowing the difference could improve things considerably. Before you label annoying behavior as passive-aggressive, be aware that something deeper may be at play.

Nowing the difference could improve things considerably.
Should you try to break the silence with a partner who has stopped communicating, or are there times when less is more? You can’t always get what you want—but you can make others suffer for it.
Some leaders are all too happy to teach us how.
On June 15, 2022 in A few personality types can make collaboration in a relationship extremely difficult, causing others to feel frustrated, angry, invalidated or even “crazy” at times.

A few personality types can make collaboration in a relationship extremely difficult, causing others to feel frustrated, angry, invalidated or even “crazy” at times. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. : Passive-Aggression

What is a passive aggressive daughter-in-law?

You go to pick up your grandkids, as planned, and your DIL’s left a note saying they’re running errands and will be home soonish. You wait, wait, wait. This happens all the time. It’s enough to make you pull out your hair. Or hers! With a passive-aggressive DIL, such lapses are the norm, not the exception.

She regularly sabotages plans—she’s late, she makes excuses at the last minute, she “forgets” to mention that the kids are starring in an upcoming school production, she rarely expresses appreciation. And yet on the surface, everything is just “fine.” But clearly, it’s not. What’s a MIL to do with this crazy-making behavior? “It’s one of the hardest behaviors to deal with,” says Deanna Brann, Ph.D, author of Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along with Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law,

“People who are passive-aggressive never felt safe enough in childhood to stand up for themselves, so they learned how to cope with feelings of powerlessness by saying what someone wants to hear (“yes,” “sure,” ” fine”) and then doing everything to sabotage it.” Unless the person learns a more constructive way to assert themself, this is the behavior they know.

Why do mother in-laws and daughter in-laws not get along?

In-law tensions hit women hardest Mother-in-law jokes are the staple and cliched diet of comedians but they mask the real family battles between a woman and her daughter-in-law, according to new research that reveals the domestic conflict being waged between women with the husband and son somewhere in the middle According to the study of hundreds of families over two decades, more than 60 per cent of women admitted the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress.

Dr Terri Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge University, who carried out the research for her new book What Do You Want From Me?, found that two-thirds of daughters-in-law believed that their husband’s mother frequently exhibited jealous, maternal love towards their sons.

The behaviour ranged from that experienced by 26-year-old Jenny from north London, whose mother-in-law began emailing her two months before her wedding with messages saying, ‘What you don’t realise is that my son thinks about me every day, every minute of the day, every second of every minute of the day’, to more common behaviour, such as making demands, being critical or intrusive, sulking and eliciting pity.

A similar proportion of mothers-in-law, however, complained of being excluded and isolated. ‘My daughter-in-law is so cold towards me,’ said 64-year-old Annie from Yorkshire. ‘She begrudges any time or attention my son gives to me and takes every opportunity to minimise the importance and depth of the bond he and I have.’ Apter has spent the past 20 years interviewing hundreds of families across the world for her book.

She found that, while 75 per cent of couples reported having problems with an in-law, only 15 per cent of mother-in-law/son-in-law relationships were described as tense. The typical ‘in-law’ jokes are told in a male voice and directed towards a mother-in-law.

For example: ‘Two men were in a pub.
One says to his mate: “My mother-in-law is an angel.” His friend replies: “You’re lucky.
Mine is still alive.”‘ However, Apter says that the in-law problem is almost always between the two women.
‘As they struggle to achieve the same position in the family as primary woman, each tries to establish or protect her status, each feels threatened by the other,’ she said.

‘Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict often emerges from an expectation that each is criticising or undermining the other, but this mutual unease may have less to do with actual attitudes and far more to do with persistent female norms that few of us manage to shake off completely,’ she added.

For example, although a daughter-in-law is an adult in her own household, a mother-in-law’s maternal expertise is already established and she may expect deference.
‘There then arises that tricky question about who is “mother” in the family, with final say over all those things women still assume charge over: housework and child care, meal times and children’s manners,’ said Apter.

The range of tactics admitted to by female in-laws harks back to squabbles in girls’ cliques in primary-school playgrounds: long-term, low-key, and indirect attacks are used to exclude and criticise. ‘I pity the young woman who will attempt to insinuate herself between my mamma’s boy and me,’ admitted author Ayelet Waldman.

‘I sympathise with the monumental nature of her task.
I sympathise with how much work she faces, but not with her.
In fact, the very thought of this person, imaginary though she is, sends me into paroxysms of a kind of envy that is uncomfortable to admit.’ Women in Apter’s survey often admitted they were stunned by the impact and influence of their female in-laws.

‘Much has been made of the decline of the family but the bonds between parent and child have not weakened,’ she said. ‘The reality and persistence of the extended family is one of the best kept secrets of modern times. The only realistic way to approach marriage is to accept that there will be six people in the marriage bed.’ So why is the most difficult in-law tension that between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Part of the conflict has its roots in the mother/son relationship, which contains an element of romance in a way that a mother and daughter bond does not, said Apter.

‘This unique dynamic can trigger competition when another woman becomes the new closest kin,’ she said. But tension also arises from the new wife’s expectation that not only will she be the most important woman in her husband’s life but that, as daughter-in-law, she will be embraced, supported and left alone, all at the same time.

The man, meanwhile, must try to maintain and differentiate – or twin-track – the two relationships as son and as husband. : In-law tensions hit women hardest

How in-laws should treat daughter-in-law?

Treat Your Daughter In-law Humanly The relationship between a mother and her daughter in-law is of prime importance in the home affairs of a family. The pleasing relationship between the two ladies leads to the promotion and prosperity of the home. Every member of the family dwells as in heaven when the duo ladies express mutual respect to each other and make understanding a basic pillar of their living.

On the other hand the strained relations between these two ladies are devastating thousands of families.
Hundreds of ladies have committed suicide so far across length and breadth of valley and many more are still living a hellish life only due to misunderstanding among them.
There are clear cut rules and regulations both for the mother in-law and her daughter in-law with regard to the running of family affairs in a smooth manner.

Lets see what these rules say about mother in-law as about daughter in-law I have already written one piece a month ago. Mother in-law should always treat her daughter in-law as her own child. It shouldn’t be limited to just words or merely showing to strangers that she is respecting her, instead it must be through good intentions.

How she treats her own daughter, should the daughter in-law be treated.
Daughter in-law must be so nicely treated that she forgets her parents and parental home.
For her comfort, affection and good health every member of the family must play their good role.
She shouldn’t be considered like a maid servant that you command her.

It will dishearten her.Incase she makes a minor mistake, instead of taunting and abusing her or informing her parents, you must guide her affectionately. It develops her love for you and next time she proves your strong companion.Never complain about your daughter In-law in front of your neighbors and relatives.

In case she is wrong at certain point, inform her mother or elder sister only. Never say her ” you don’t know anything. You haven’t learnt anything. Your parents haven’t given you good manners.” Instead she must be taught the way you teach your own daughter. When they commit mistakes, do you inform your neighbors and relatives? No.

So in the similar way a daughter in-law when treated with utmost affection, she too plays her good role in considering them as their own parents. Otherwise it is seldom possible for her to think so.What you think good for your own daughters with regard to clothing’s, eating stuffs etc a daughter in-law must be given a similar consideration.

If the daughter in-law feels discomfort or she isn’t feeling well, instead of giving her commands to perform a particular task, you must yourself do that work.When she is ill, you must accompany her to a doctor and be serious enough the way when your own daughters feel unwell. She must be allowed to take rest and prescribed medicines and eatables with good intentions.

When she does any work, appreciate her and pray for her well-being but not to remain busy in finding faults in her work.You mustn’t be habitual of complaining about the daughter in-law in front of her husband and father in-law instead you must hide her faults the way you ignore the mistakes and faults of your own daughters.

You must advise your son to look after his spouse and take care of her especially when she feels ill.
It will create an everlasting love, affection and mutual respect among all the family members.
You must always advice your daughters and your sons to treat her well.
Further you must caution them not to give her commands and consider her like a collie or outsider.

Instead you must make them understand that she is part and parcel of your family and if treated with utmost affection and love, she would respect and love you. Further it must be reiterated to them that in their mother’s absence it is she who distributes food among you so she is like your elder sister.

Never make a demand of dowry to your Daughter In-law.
In case she doesn’t brings any item, never complain about it nor taunt and disgrace her.
It will worry her and if you continuously insult her, she may take some extreme step as have been reported many a times earlier.
If an outsider asks about the work and conduct of the daughter in-law, never repeat the negative things.

Always praise her for her work and behavior in front of the outsiders. Apart from the mother in-law sometimes we see father in-law too indulges in unnecessary family affairs with the result both spouses become victims of depression and mental trauma which leads to the devastation of the family.

Instead of treating her like their own daughter, father in-law gives her unnecessary commands like a home servant. His daughters and sons too misbehave with their brother’s spouse which makes the life of new-comer quite melancholic. The most distressing episodes are experienced when all other family members are on one side, thinking, sharing, managing and living a separate life within one common family and the daughter in-law and her children are on the other side.

In such circumstances she always feels lonely and she thinks herself living among strangers. At that point it becomes the duty of husband either to overhaul his parents and siblings or to rehabilitate her wife with peaceful dignity. Husband’s siblings ail and torture his wife only due to the unbridled and undue powers given to them by his parents.

If husband’s younger siblings aren’t given undue powers by his parents and they themselves manage every family affair with utmost honesty and belief, our families wouldn’t shatter instead these would become the abode of peace and tranquility. So many eves’ daughters have ended their lives due to domestic violence at the hands of their husbands and other in-laws.

At the time of engagement and tying the nuptial, her to be in-laws leave no stone unturned to assure her that she would be treated like their own daughter but once the bride is brought home, all the assurances given earlier prove false. She is tortured to the maximum level and always considered a burden and stranger in the home which is contradictory to the noble teachings of Islam and dear Prophet (saw).

Need of the hour is to get acquainted about the noble teachings of Islam with regard to living a better family life especially with our daughter in-laws. Email:-rayeeskum[email protected] Author is a columnist fiction writer and teacher

: Treat Your Daughter In-law Humanly

What mother-in-law should not do?

She Doesn’t Believe in Boundaries – You get out of the shower, walk down the stairs, and there is your mother-in-law, meddling around in your kitchen (she just had to come by and pop a casserole in because, you know, without HER, your family would clearly starve).

What does a good mother-in-law do?

Be a Respectful Mother-in-Law – Perhaps, one of the most important traits a mother-in-law needs to display is respectfulness. Being respectful of the couple’s time and relationship builds a sense of trust. It also communicates that you value and prioritize their needs as a family unit and are willing to respect their boundaries,

Allow the couple to host a holiday celebration if they want, rather then expecting them to always come to your home. Be aware that you may not be welcome in the delivery room or birthing room when your grandchild is being born. Sometimes grandparents aren’t even invited to the hospital, as the young parents want that time for bonding. As hard as that decision may be for grandmothers to accept, it is the young parents’ call and you need to respect their decision. Invite the couple to your home, too, rather than just expecting them to host you all the time. Recognize that you may not be invited along on trips and vacations nor will you be included in every party and social occasion the young couple hosts in their home. Refrain from dropping by without calling or giving them adequate notice. Of course, if you’re in the neighborhood, you can call and ask to stop by, but don’t be offended if they say no or are not available. Use restraint if you’re given a key to the home of an adult child and use it only when asked to do so or in case of a real emergency.

What is the duty of mother-in-law?

1. She Feeds The Mother-to-be With Love – Love is the best food for the soul, and a ‘mother to be’ needs it in abundance. A compassionate mother-in-law ensures that the pregnant lady knows that someone has always got her back. From organizing a baby shower to rearranging the whole house with the rest of the family members to make it better suited for the new-born, a mother-in-law seems to be the most excited person in the in-laws’ family.

How do you know if your daughter-in-law doesn’t like you?

#3 The two of you have differing views on what makes a “good wife” or a “good mother” – Gender roles have changed so much over the past few decades, especially since you first got married and started having kids. These days, women are getting married much later, starting families later, and are focused on furthering their careers before settling down.

Many men have begun to help out in the house with daily chores, cooking, and even being more hands-on with the children.
Such huge differences can definitely create some tension between you and your daughter-in-law if you happen to have a set idea of what the best wife and mother looks like for your son and grandkids.

Perhaps you believe that a woman should be at home with the kids and cooking every night for her husband. Or maybe you believe that a woman should be contributing half of her paycheck to the mortgage payment and not fully depending on a man. Reading Suggestion: How to deal with a controlling sister in law? Either way, disagreements about gender roles can begin to play a huge role in many fights with your daughter-in-law.

What are the qualities of a good daughter-in-law?

Here are a few tips to improve your relationship with your mom-in-law One of the biggest challenges of married life is to get along well with your in laws. Though this goes for both partners in a marriage, it is the woman who is affected the most. According to research around 60 per cent of all marriages suffer from tension with mothers-in-law that is normally between the woman and her husband’s mother.

The nagging, meddling mother-in-law is often the cause of worry and the central idea that can help better the situation is to have a positive attitude and to show respect to the older woman.
Positive attitude Just like being a daughter-in-law is new to you taking up the role of a mother-in-law is new to her too.

Always try and convey a positive attitude towards her. The older woman is probably just trying her best to fit into her role as a mom-in-law. Equality Try to treat your mother-in-law and your mother equally. For example if you give your mother a birthday gift, then give your mother-in-law a gift for her birthday too.

If you have children, then visit your mother and your mother-in-law with similar frequency. Sensitivity The fact that the lady has spent a significant part of her life raising her son may make her a little sensitive when another person becomes the centre of attraction of her son’s life. Though most mothers do not consider her daughter-in-law competition, there are some mothers who do.

The ones whose life revolved around their child for a long time because they are a single parent or had only one child are the ones who are most likely to behave in this way. If, for example, your mother-in-law mentions how much her son always liked her home cooking, do not try to compete by asserting how much he likes your cooking now.

This would invariably hurt her.
Respect Treat your mother-in-law with respect.
Consider her older and wiser.
She may have been through a lot of hardships in her life.
In fact, talk to her and ask her about her childhood, growing up, raising kids, and life experiences.
When she shares her life with you she will develop a liking for you and that can lead to a strong bond between the two of you.

Expectations Getting to know the family you have married into may take time. Though most daughters-in-law are welcomed into the family with open arms, do not get disheartened if it does not happen. Give them time to know you better. Be attentive When your mother-in-law is at home be attentive towards her.

Sit and chat, show her around town, and if she wants to help you prepare meals, then let her.
You two can get to know each other better and bond.
If she prefers to sit around being waited on hand and foot, then enlist your husband to help prepare meals and clean up.
Information Try to keep mother-in-law informed; call and let her know about important events.

Keep her in the loop. If you have children, send pictures to your mother-in-law. Grandmothers love getting pictures of their grandchildren. Advice Your mother-in-law has years of experience. Don’t hesitate to take her advice. You may disagree with her and decide to not follow any of her suggestions, but be open to different ideas, at least listen, show respect, and do not take any advice as a personal attack.

She is only trying to be helpful.
Children Allow your mother-in-law to take care of your children.
For them their grandchildren are more important than their own kids sometimes.
If she wants to, let her spoil them a little, i.e.
She lets them stay slightly past their bedtime or gives them some more chocolate than you would want to.

Communication Try and talk out things with the family. If something that someone said hurt you, do not keep it bottled up inside you. Discuss with your husband and your mother-in-law any slights or snubs and how it makes you feel.

Why is living with in-laws so difficult?

Why In-Law Relationships Are So Tricky. While one could point to many reasons why in-law relationships are so notoriously difficult to manage, it really boils down to two primary issues: boundaries and expectations. ‘Families can have rather strange boundaries,’ says Dr.

How in-laws should treat daughter in law?

On the other hand the strained relations between these two ladies are devastating thousands of families. Hundreds of ladies have committed suicide so far across length and breadth of valley and many more are still living a hellish life only due to misunderstanding among them. There are clear cut rules and regulations both for the mother in-law and her daughter in-law with regard to the running of family affairs in a smooth manner.

How she treats her own daughter, should the daughter in-law be treated.
Daughter in-law must be so nicely treated that she forgets her parents and parental home.
For her comfort, affection and good health every member of the family must play their good role.
She shouldn’t be considered like a maid servant that you command her.

In case she is wrong at certain point, inform her mother or elder sister only.
Never say her ” you don’t know anything.
You haven’t learnt anything.
Your parents haven’t given you good manners.” Instead she must be taught the way you teach your own daughter.
When they commit mistakes, do you inform your neighbors and relatives? No.

If the daughter in-law feels discomfort or she isn’t feeling well, instead of giving her commands to perform a particular task, you must yourself do that work.When she is ill, you must accompany her to a doctor and be serious enough the way when your own daughters feel unwell. She must be allowed to take rest and prescribed medicines and eatables with good intentions.

You must advise your son to look after his spouse and take care of her especially when she feels ill. It will create an everlasting love, affection and mutual respect among all the family members. You must always advice your daughters and your sons to treat her well. Further you must caution them not to give her commands and consider her like a collie or outsider.

Never make a demand of dowry to your Daughter In-law. In case she doesn’t brings any item, never complain about it nor taunt and disgrace her. It will worry her and if you continuously insult her, she may take some extreme step as have been reported many a times earlier. If an outsider asks about the work and conduct of the daughter in-law, never repeat the negative things.

Instead of treating her like their own daughter, father in-law gives her unnecessary commands like a home servant.
His daughters and sons too misbehave with their brother’s spouse which makes the life of new-comer quite melancholic.
The most distressing episodes are experienced when all other family members are on one side, thinking, sharing, managing and living a separate life within one common family and the daughter in-law and her children are on the other side.

If husband’s younger siblings aren’t given undue powers by his parents and they themselves manage every family affair with utmost honesty and belief, our families wouldn’t shatter instead these would become the abode of peace and tranquility.
So many eves’ daughters have ended their lives due to domestic violence at the hands of their husbands and other in-laws.

: Treat Your Daughter In-law Humanly

Why do mothers in law and daughters in law not get along?

Why Getting Along with a Mother-in-Law Is So Difficult How To Deal With A Daughter In Law Who Is Disrespectful Source: Gladskikh Tatiana/Shutterstock My friend Renee* recently married the love of her life, Byron. All of Renee’s friends and family members love Byron, but, unfortunately, the same cannot be said of Byron’s friends and family. Specifically, Renee’s mother-in-law doesn’t like her and it’s straining the,

Many women report tension in their relationship with their mother-in-law, a conflict that is associated with increased marital dissatisfaction (Rittenour and Koenig Kellas, 2015).
This sad situation got me thinking about the stereotypical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.
Do our mothers-in-law really not like us? And if not, why not? The actual reasons for this common conflict are somewhat surprising and likely stem from our evolutionary history.

You Are Probably Not the Partner Your In-Laws Would Have Chosen for Their Child Why did you choose your romantic partner? Physical ? ? ? A good ? The traits that we value in our mates are not the same as those our parents value in mates for us, While we value traits such as physical, an exciting, or a good sense of humor, our parents are more likely to value characteristics such as a good family background, sound financial prospects, or a similar religious or ethnic background (Apostolou, 2015a, Perriloux et al., 2011).

Because of these different preferences, we may choose mates for ourselves whom our parents would not have chosen for us.
This may lead to an initial dislike on the part of our in-laws, which can be difficult to overcome.
You Are Too Attractive Some of the largest conflicts in mate preferences between adult children and their parents occur on traits associated with physical attractiveness (e.g.

good looks, height, physical fitness; see Apostolou, 2015a, Perriloux et al., 2011). According to evolutionary theory, we value those traits in a mate because we want to secure good for our future offspring. Our parents, however, may have good reasons to object to physically attractive partners.

Based on evolutionary theory, women who are more attractive than their male partners think more about leaving their relationship and show more interest in alternative partners (click to read more; Fugère et al., 2015) and men who are more attractive may be less inclined to invest in or care for future offspring (Gangestad and Simpson, 2000).

Mothers of Men May Unconsciously Discourage Long-Term Relationships I’m sure that if you asked Byron’s mother whether she wants a stable, secure, long-term relationship for her son, she would say yes. But for men, monogamous, long-term relationships may not have been desirable during most of their evolutionary history.

According to evolutionary theory, men and women have differing optimal mating strategies to ensure that their genes are perpetuated through future generations. Strictly evolutionarily speaking, a man’s best mating strategy may be a series of short-term relationships with different women in order to ensure that his genes will be passed on (see Buss and Schmitt, 1993).

However, women would not necessarily benefit from the same strategy; a woman’s best strategy may be to find a mate who will provide for her over the long term and help to raise and care for future offspring (Buss and Schmitt, 1993). The interference of a mother-in-law in her son and daughter-in-law’s relationship may reflect a mother’s desire to help her son “spread his seed.” However, a mother-in-law to a daughter and son-in-law should try to facilitate the marriage of her daughter so that her son-in-law will remain committed over the long term.

In fact, mothers-in-law rate their relationships with their sons-in-law more favorably than their relationships with their daughters-in-law (see Fingerman et al., 2012). Moreover, some interference by mothers-in-law may be intended to weaken their sons’ marriages (Rittenour and Koenig Kellas, 2015). Direct for Resources and Historical evidence suggests that when there were multiple women within a family reproducing at the same time, their offspring were less likely to survive, perhaps due to a fixed amount of food being divided among more relatives (Pettay et al., 2016).

Mother-in-law conflict may have arisen due to increased competition for resources among women and their daughters-in-law. Today, this type of conflict is rare, but mothers-in-law may still perceive that they are competing with their daughters-in-law for the time and attention of their sons.

Some research suggests that older women are more likely to experience neglect due to poor relationships with their daughters-in-law (see Allendorf, 2015), and mothers-in-law may worry that they will be excluded by their child and his/her new partner (Fingerman et al., 2012). How to Reduce Conflict Researchers who study in-law conflict also suggest ways to overcome these difficulties.

Apostolou (2015b) advises that the best way to deal with these conflicts is to try to convince your in-laws that you are a good mate for their child by showing how much you care for your spouse. Additionally, if you are not yet married, more one-on-one contact with your future in-laws prior to your marriage may facilitate better relationships after the wedding (Fingerman et al., 2012).

However, if in-law conflict persists, you must put your marriage first: Individuals who feel supported by their spouses in their conflicts with their in-laws experience more satisfying marriages (Rittenour and Koenig Kellas, 2015). * All names have been changed. For more information on, see our book,, Please see my other posts,

References Allendorf, K. (2015). Like her own: Ideals and experiences of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship. Journal of Family Issues, 0192513X15590685. Apostolou, M. (2015a). Parent–offspring conflict over mating: Domains of agreement and disagreement.

Evolutionary Psychology, 13(3), 1474704915604561.
Apostolou, M. (2015b).
I am right for your child! Human Nature, 26(4), 378-391.
Buss, D.M., & Schmitt, D.P. (1993).
Sexual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating.
Psychological Review, 100(2), 204.
Fingerman, K.L., Gilligan, M., VanderDrift, L., & Pitzer, L.

(2012). In-law relationships before and after marriage: Husbands, wives, and their mothers-in-law. Research in Human Development, 9(2), 106-125. doi:10.1080/15427609.2012.680843 Fugère, M.A., Cousins, A.J., & MacLaren, S.A. (2015). (Mis) matching in physical attractiveness and women’s resistance to mate guarding.

Personality and Individual Differences, 87, 190-195. Gangestad, S.W., & Simpson, J.A. (2000). The evolution of human mating: Trade-offs and strategic pluralism. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 23(04), 573-587. Perilloux, C., Fleischman, D.S., & Buss, D.M. (2011). Meet the parents: Parent-offspring convergence and divergence in mate preferences.

Personality and Individual Differences, 50(2), 253-258. Pettay, J.E., Lahdenperä, M., Rotkirch, A., & Lummaa, V. (2016). Costly reproductive competition between co-resident females in humans. Behavioral Ecology, arw088. Rittenour, C.E., & Kellas, J.K. (2015). How To Deal With A Daughter In Law Who Is Disrespectful : Why Getting Along with a Mother-in-Law Is So Difficult