How To Deal With A Difficult Father In Law?

How To Deal With A Difficult Father In Law
04 /5 Communication – Pent up frustration is a common trigger for bad behaviour. Try talking to your father-in-law if possible. Don’t just dive into it head on, strike a conversation about different things in life and slowly boil it down to you trying to understand what bothers him.

Is my father-in-law toxic?

6. They are inconsistent – In-laws who are toxic are also unpredictable. You never know what kind of mood they’re going to be in when you see them, or what you might say or do that will set them off. “They may be nice to you if they want something, says Ross, “but when you need help or a sympathetic ear, they lack empathy and tell you to deal with it.” What you can do: Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.

Is it OK to stay away from in laws?

Third, tell your spouse about your uneasy feelings, but remember you’re talking about their parents. – Be vulnerable and open with your spouse every chance you get. But, when it comes to talking about their parents, keep in mind that there’s a fine line between stating your feelings and being critical of their family.

It’s okay to say, “I felt sad when I heard your dad talk to your mom in that tone of voice.” It’s not okay to say, “Your dad is a total jerkface. I can’t believe your mom has stayed with him this long.” Be sensitive. The truth is, your spouse more than likely already knows there are some odd bits about their parents.

They did live with them during their most formative years.

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Why are inlaws so difficult?

While one could point to many reasons why in-law relationships are so notoriously difficult to manage, it really boils down to two primary issues: boundaries and expectations. ‘Families can have rather strange boundaries,’ says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist who specializes in relationships.

What does the Bible say about dealing with in-laws?

What do I owe my in-laws? That’s an interesting question. Another way to phrase it might be, “As a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, what’s required of me? What are my obligations, whether I feel like it or not, in relating to my spouse’s parents?” Put this way, it doesn’t sound like a very warm or relaxed relationship.

  1. It sounds more like your in-laws are a burden in your life.
  2. Perhaps you feel caught between trying to please them (or trying to avoid offending them) on the one hand, and just wanting to be yourself or wanting your own “space” on the other.
  3. The first principle that applies here is that, if you’re a Christian, you owe your in-laws behavior that’s consistently Christian in character—as you do anyone else.

This doesn’t ignore the reality that if your in-laws are “difficult” people, are controlling and manipulative, are emotionally or mentally dysfunctional, or don’t share your faith, this may be a particularly hard challenge. The problem is that they’re not just anyone.

  1. They’re connected to your spouse through genetics, history, and complex psychological dynamics.
  2. If you have disagreements with your in-laws, your spouse may feel caught in the middle between parents and you.
  3. You, meanwhile, have obligations to in-laws and spouse—and children, if you have any.
  4. If you feel your in-laws are intruding into your married life, the old saying, “Good fences make good neighbors,” may apply.
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In concert with your mate, set reasonable boundaries; ask that he or she firmly and kindly insist that your in-laws respect these limits. “Honoring” one’s parents (Exodus 20:12) does require showing them patience, kindness, gentleness, and respect. This applies to in-laws, too.

You may not even like them, but you need to choose to act in a loving manner toward them. For instance, you might choose to adopt their tradition of having an Easter egg hunt, despite the fact that you don’t want your kids to think the Easter bunny is real. Enjoying the family event is possible, even if you follow it with a reminder to the children about the real meaning of the holiday.

When you married, you also became part of another family with its own set of expectations. You need to recognize and respect those—within limits. What are those limits? Here are three things that “honoring” your in-laws does not mean:

It doesn’t require that you submerge all your own feelings, desires, preferences, and needs in the service of “doing things their way.”It doesn’t mean you must permit them to disrespect, control, or manipulate you for their own selfish ends.It doesn’t entail “obeying” all their “parental” requests or requirements—which, in some instances with some in-laws, may get pretty crazy.

Sometimes the most honoring response is to diplomatically but firmly say, “No.” Letting in-laws split, manipulate, or control you by silently acceding to their nutty, neurotic, inappropriate demands isn’t necessarily showing Christian love. In-law conflicts grow more complicated when a spouse seems to side with his or her parents and against his or her mate.

  1. The mate may rightly feel outnumbered or “ganged up on.” This isn’t so much an in-law problem as a marital one.
  2. If one spouse remains too dependent upon his or her parents, that needs to be addressed in a straightforward way.
  3. If one spouse is blaming the in-laws for a disagreement the couple is experiencing, that should be dealt with, too.
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If you’ve become engaged in a quiet (or not so quiet) war with your in-laws—and maybe also with your spouse—about these tangled issues, don’t let it erode your marriage further. Do the healthy thing and seek out a Christian therapist.

How do you deal with a dominant father in law?

02 /5 Listen & don’t answer back – It is always helpful to be a good listener. Be calm and do not react, simply listen when he says something in aggression. Don’t let it seep in if it is something mean and hurtful. Just take in what actually might be helpful and then walk away. Don’t engage in an argument, it will get very ugly. readmore